Post by heather on Apr 29, 2015 18:42:57 GMT 7
I'm curious what you all will think of this one! It's more than 2000 words so if you have time to read it would be great. I'd love to hear any reactions you have. No need to drill down into details. Thank you so much!
A Quest For The Ladies
You know that feeling when you want something? That sense that the thing will change your life? We can help. We are the only nationally recognized Quest provider for every age and gender. Feeling low? Dissatisfied? Wondering why something is missing from your life. Feel like there could be so much more. Try a personalized quest. Our Quest experts will work with you to determine your goals, and craft the right experience for you. Remember every journey is yours alone and we guarantee it.
———-
Are there any men here? Any men here? Looking, looking, looking. You sir. You are a sir, are you not? Okay, I will get to you in a moment. Okay. First, gentlemen? Are there any full-on men here. This Quest is for females only and as such, it does not meet your needs. Please depart by exit door S. Sir, please leave quietly, this journey is not for you. Now, that wasn’t necessary. Guards? Okay. Thank you.
Transgenders, you have your own journey. And may I say you have already come so far. Congratulations, we are proud of you. But this journey is not your journey. Please depart via exit 4T and our Transgender Quest Planners will be pleased to assist you in determining the correct heroic journey for you to match whatever stage of transition you may be in. Thank you. Okay.
Okay. Sorry about that, ladies. But as you know, while we strive to provide archetypal journeys that offer the most complete psychological experience, you know and I know that every journey is unique. Okay.
Welcome to PsychSubAgency 7F, Questing archetype, female. Now ladies, first off I want to assure you that this Journey, while yours uniquely as always, has not been toned down, neutered, or in any way altered due to traditional gender precepts or ideas. It is the full Heroic Quest experience, guaranteed to provide all the thrills and challenges of the classic, need I say archetypal, need I say Male, Heroic Journey, as recognized and specified and meta-fied by deep psychology. Okay. Thank you.
Now you have all identified your desired object, with the assistance of our Object Identification Team back on Level 42. Please take your paperwork out of your pocket and hand it in to the Desired Object Assistant who is now passing by you. There is no need to hand your form to the other Questors. It is your journey and your object alone. Simply hand it to the assistant when he or she makes his or her way to you. Thank you. Okay.
Okay. While the team is correlating your paperwork, there are some Terms and conditions we have to go through. I will read the entire statement. After listening to the entire statement please press the Agree button on your hand held device. Do not press the button before the statement is completed as no responses will be recorded until the entire statement has been read. Okay. Thank you.
———-
Okay. Thank you. I see that you have all pressed the Agree buttons. Thank you. We appreciate your cooperation.
Before you can have your desired object, there are a certain number of steps you must take, are required to take. It’s not just a formality so we would appreciate it if you would approach this process shall we call it, or journey perhaps is the more current word, if you would approach this with the seriousness it deserves.
Yes we are all on this journey together, but in your case, what with the highly specific nature of your requests, well you will have to go it alone. Of course, you will therefore be required to complete certain other forms, forms that indicate you are proceeding alone and absolve us from all responsibility for any injuries, defeats, or dissatisfactions with your objective achieved (here on in known as OA).
Thank you for submitting your paperwork. you may now proceed to level 427.
————
The lifts are under improvement project LIP-7.320. We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
———
Welcome to level 427. Please proceed to Room 34 in Hallway D. You are requested to proceed quietly to avoid incurring the attention of Test Subject 987 (Rage). TS 987 (Rage) is allowed to roam the halls as part of his own journey, as he tries to overcome his own battles with his own demons. Please be advised that we will not be responsible for any injuries incurred due to interference, disturbance or amusing perturbance with TS 987.
Thank you.
Okay, ladies. This is Room 34 in Hallway D, Level 427. Please check that you are in the right place as no refunds will be given.
Each of you is aware that your journeys are yours alone and as such may not be determined or in any way defined by us, the supervisors of this particular level. I have handed out forms 684 in triplicate and we request that you complete them in blue ball point pen, with no corrections or erasures. In the event a correction is required, please explain the correction on Form 684 C and bring it to the front where I will be happy to sign it.
Now that you have completed your paperwork, you are free to continue on your journey. It is yours alone, and only you can truly define your objective and decide your path. Be that as it may, there is one door out of this room and, only two ways to turn in the hallway. A left turn will take you past Test Subject 987 (Rage) and as some of you have already experienced, that is not a TS you want to interact with if you can avoid it.
Nevertheless those who have not yet interacted with Test Subject 987 have missed out on quite a challenge. A challenge that will no doubt help those of you who have experienced it to proceed more efficiently to level 275, sub basement B. For those of you who have not yet experienced Test Subject 987 (Rage), may I suggest that you turn left, with your weapons drawn. Though let me remind you that turning left is not a requirement, as only you can plot your own journey, and each quest is an individual one, with the goal and objectives truly known only by the hero. Or heroine as the case may be.
Okay, hero. Thank you for the correction ladies. I am in agreement that we no longer need to define ourselves with gendered terms.
——
Good evening, Ladies. Welcome to Sub Basement B. NOW CAN EVERYBODY HEAR ME OVER THE EQUIPMENT?
Good.
Now down here in Sub Basement B, we do things a little different. Down here, we don’t do paperwork. And we DON’T have all those nice little pep talks you get upstairs.
We just SEND YOU ON YOUR WAY. And we will not be reminding you to read the DAMN notices on the wall that absolve us of ALL responsibility should anything untoward befall you on your quest for the ultimate whatever.
MAY I REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE ALL ADULTS. THE AGE LIMIT FOR THIS QUEST WAS CLEARLY SPECIFIED IN THE PAPERWORK. SO in MY book we treat you like ADULTS.
NOW take a look to your LEFT and to your RIGHT. You can assume that from here on in to the next level, one of those pretty little gals will be gone.
I can hear you getting all uptight about that little gender comment and I will pay it NO MIND. Because this is NOT A TEA PARTY. This is a HEROIC QUEST and heroes do not get their panties in a twist about a little gender denigration. They just DRAW THEIR WEAPONS.
THAT’S RIGHT. NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.
My superiors have asked me to ask you if ANY of you want to put a STOP to your little quest, your PERSONAL journey, you can STEP OUT OF LINE THERE and I’ll take you right out of here so fast your head will spin.
I THINK WE’VE GOT SOME HEROES IN HERE. Well, that’s FINE by me. Now cast your eyes over to the west side of the room and you got a 50 pound metal bomb proof door. Cast your eyes to the other end and you got a barn looking type door at the other end. Now I can’t tell you what’s behind Door number 72 or Door Number B85. That is YOUR GUESS ladies.
I’m just going to REMIND you, that your QUEST is YOURS ALONE and you have NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER asking anybody else in this room for help, directions or instructions or ANY OTHER THING about how to get from point A to point 78 or wherever you are headed next. That is YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND DON’T YOU GO ASKING EVERYBODY ELSE TO GET UP INTO IT.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
———
Well lookee here. You ladies look a bit peaked doncha know. A little downcast maybe. Well, I’ve got good news for you. Your quest is almost completed. Your object, the goal you selected way back on Level XXX, is within your reach. Do you feel changed? Strengthened? Even transformed?
For any of those who would like a brief moment of celebration, I’ve got tea and crumpets here.
What’s that? Oh right. This is the male heroic quest. Strike the tea and crumpets. Bring on the dancing girls and grog.
Good. Very good.
But before we complete your journey and I do hope it’s been a challenging and satisfying experience, well as you know the journey is not really truly over until it is, well, over, and your object is in hand.
And well, for you ladies, well there is one more thing of which I must notify you, one slight difference with this particular heroic quest. Each heroic quest is different and uniquely yours. But in the case of the lady questors, well we wouldn’t be authentic or honest if we didn’t include the Sexual Assault Variation. Now ladies I know this might not be your idea of what you want your quest to be, but just bear with me now. First there are some of you I can see who like the idea. Well, go right on in then. You will find the Sexual Assault challenge on the other side of Portal 56B. Thank you.
For the rest of you, please bear with me for a moment while I try to explain why we believe at Psych SubAgency 7F, that a Sexual Assault experience is necessary for any lady’s complete Heroic Journey. Though as you know every journey is unique and only you can decide what your objective is and what you wish to achieve. Let’s just take that as writ, shall we? And understand that a woman in a man’s world, which this undoubtedly is, being as it is the Male Heroic Journey Archetype, well she’s going to get hit with some pretty nasty things.
The forces of evil, as it were, hold nothing back, and when things get to a crisis as it were, to the final dramatic moment, the big change, well they are going to pull out all the stops. So if they can’t murder you, and we guarantee that through out these quests, you will not be murdered, well a full sexual assault is their best option.
Okay. I can hear you getting a little worried. Let me remind you we are not taking away your weapons. You’ll have all the tools you have managed to bring with you to this point of the journey. Yesiree. It’s just another challenge really. But the problem is, well as a Quest Provider, we can’t really make a similar sort of challenge for the male version, you see.
Well, thank you for that suggestion. Um. I don’t know why we didn’t think of that before. Too many men on the board perhaps, hee hee. That is something we will discuss that at the next Meeting. A thousand thank yous.
But in the meantime, for those of you who wish to take on the Sexual Assault category B challenge, please follow Sylvia there. Those of you who wish to skip it, based on a) this is your journey and you decide what happens and b) the men don’t suffer it why should you or c) just too fucking scared to deal with it, that’s just fine. It’s your journey and your objective. It’s all good.
——-
Whew, I’m glad we got through that one. You all okay? I have good news, we are done! Yay! Congratulate yourselves ladies. You have made it through your own personal Quest.
But before you go to your lockers, please ladies, i must insist you use the decontamination showers to your left. Please use them as the blood and guts do have a tendency to get everywhere.
The attendants will come through with clean towels. Please do avail yourselves of these and proceed to your lockers, where you will find your object, or goal or grail along with your clothes and personal items. For those of you who were seeking something of a non material nature, there will be an engraved plaque.
Whew! Seems like a long time, huh? Yeah I know. Hard to believe it’s only been seven hours. Well, all, thank you so much. It’s been a fantastic journey for all of us. For each of you of course as you have conquered all your challenges, really tested yourselves and come out on top. And for us too, for everyone at PsychEventsSecton B, who’ve watched and cheered you on, suffered through your defeats and cheered your victories. It’s been great. And we couldn’t have done it without you.
A Quest For The Ladies
You know that feeling when you want something? That sense that the thing will change your life? We can help. We are the only nationally recognized Quest provider for every age and gender. Feeling low? Dissatisfied? Wondering why something is missing from your life. Feel like there could be so much more. Try a personalized quest. Our Quest experts will work with you to determine your goals, and craft the right experience for you. Remember every journey is yours alone and we guarantee it.
———-
Are there any men here? Any men here? Looking, looking, looking. You sir. You are a sir, are you not? Okay, I will get to you in a moment. Okay. First, gentlemen? Are there any full-on men here. This Quest is for females only and as such, it does not meet your needs. Please depart by exit door S. Sir, please leave quietly, this journey is not for you. Now, that wasn’t necessary. Guards? Okay. Thank you.
Transgenders, you have your own journey. And may I say you have already come so far. Congratulations, we are proud of you. But this journey is not your journey. Please depart via exit 4T and our Transgender Quest Planners will be pleased to assist you in determining the correct heroic journey for you to match whatever stage of transition you may be in. Thank you. Okay.
Okay. Sorry about that, ladies. But as you know, while we strive to provide archetypal journeys that offer the most complete psychological experience, you know and I know that every journey is unique. Okay.
Welcome to PsychSubAgency 7F, Questing archetype, female. Now ladies, first off I want to assure you that this Journey, while yours uniquely as always, has not been toned down, neutered, or in any way altered due to traditional gender precepts or ideas. It is the full Heroic Quest experience, guaranteed to provide all the thrills and challenges of the classic, need I say archetypal, need I say Male, Heroic Journey, as recognized and specified and meta-fied by deep psychology. Okay. Thank you.
Now you have all identified your desired object, with the assistance of our Object Identification Team back on Level 42. Please take your paperwork out of your pocket and hand it in to the Desired Object Assistant who is now passing by you. There is no need to hand your form to the other Questors. It is your journey and your object alone. Simply hand it to the assistant when he or she makes his or her way to you. Thank you. Okay.
Okay. While the team is correlating your paperwork, there are some Terms and conditions we have to go through. I will read the entire statement. After listening to the entire statement please press the Agree button on your hand held device. Do not press the button before the statement is completed as no responses will be recorded until the entire statement has been read. Okay. Thank you.
———-
Okay. Thank you. I see that you have all pressed the Agree buttons. Thank you. We appreciate your cooperation.
Before you can have your desired object, there are a certain number of steps you must take, are required to take. It’s not just a formality so we would appreciate it if you would approach this process shall we call it, or journey perhaps is the more current word, if you would approach this with the seriousness it deserves.
Yes we are all on this journey together, but in your case, what with the highly specific nature of your requests, well you will have to go it alone. Of course, you will therefore be required to complete certain other forms, forms that indicate you are proceeding alone and absolve us from all responsibility for any injuries, defeats, or dissatisfactions with your objective achieved (here on in known as OA).
Thank you for submitting your paperwork. you may now proceed to level 427.
————
The lifts are under improvement project LIP-7.320. We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
———
Welcome to level 427. Please proceed to Room 34 in Hallway D. You are requested to proceed quietly to avoid incurring the attention of Test Subject 987 (Rage). TS 987 (Rage) is allowed to roam the halls as part of his own journey, as he tries to overcome his own battles with his own demons. Please be advised that we will not be responsible for any injuries incurred due to interference, disturbance or amusing perturbance with TS 987.
Thank you.
Okay, ladies. This is Room 34 in Hallway D, Level 427. Please check that you are in the right place as no refunds will be given.
Each of you is aware that your journeys are yours alone and as such may not be determined or in any way defined by us, the supervisors of this particular level. I have handed out forms 684 in triplicate and we request that you complete them in blue ball point pen, with no corrections or erasures. In the event a correction is required, please explain the correction on Form 684 C and bring it to the front where I will be happy to sign it.
Now that you have completed your paperwork, you are free to continue on your journey. It is yours alone, and only you can truly define your objective and decide your path. Be that as it may, there is one door out of this room and, only two ways to turn in the hallway. A left turn will take you past Test Subject 987 (Rage) and as some of you have already experienced, that is not a TS you want to interact with if you can avoid it.
Nevertheless those who have not yet interacted with Test Subject 987 have missed out on quite a challenge. A challenge that will no doubt help those of you who have experienced it to proceed more efficiently to level 275, sub basement B. For those of you who have not yet experienced Test Subject 987 (Rage), may I suggest that you turn left, with your weapons drawn. Though let me remind you that turning left is not a requirement, as only you can plot your own journey, and each quest is an individual one, with the goal and objectives truly known only by the hero. Or heroine as the case may be.
Okay, hero. Thank you for the correction ladies. I am in agreement that we no longer need to define ourselves with gendered terms.
——
Good evening, Ladies. Welcome to Sub Basement B. NOW CAN EVERYBODY HEAR ME OVER THE EQUIPMENT?
Good.
Now down here in Sub Basement B, we do things a little different. Down here, we don’t do paperwork. And we DON’T have all those nice little pep talks you get upstairs.
We just SEND YOU ON YOUR WAY. And we will not be reminding you to read the DAMN notices on the wall that absolve us of ALL responsibility should anything untoward befall you on your quest for the ultimate whatever.
MAY I REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE ALL ADULTS. THE AGE LIMIT FOR THIS QUEST WAS CLEARLY SPECIFIED IN THE PAPERWORK. SO in MY book we treat you like ADULTS.
NOW take a look to your LEFT and to your RIGHT. You can assume that from here on in to the next level, one of those pretty little gals will be gone.
I can hear you getting all uptight about that little gender comment and I will pay it NO MIND. Because this is NOT A TEA PARTY. This is a HEROIC QUEST and heroes do not get their panties in a twist about a little gender denigration. They just DRAW THEIR WEAPONS.
THAT’S RIGHT. NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.
My superiors have asked me to ask you if ANY of you want to put a STOP to your little quest, your PERSONAL journey, you can STEP OUT OF LINE THERE and I’ll take you right out of here so fast your head will spin.
I THINK WE’VE GOT SOME HEROES IN HERE. Well, that’s FINE by me. Now cast your eyes over to the west side of the room and you got a 50 pound metal bomb proof door. Cast your eyes to the other end and you got a barn looking type door at the other end. Now I can’t tell you what’s behind Door number 72 or Door Number B85. That is YOUR GUESS ladies.
I’m just going to REMIND you, that your QUEST is YOURS ALONE and you have NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER asking anybody else in this room for help, directions or instructions or ANY OTHER THING about how to get from point A to point 78 or wherever you are headed next. That is YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND DON’T YOU GO ASKING EVERYBODY ELSE TO GET UP INTO IT.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
———
Well lookee here. You ladies look a bit peaked doncha know. A little downcast maybe. Well, I’ve got good news for you. Your quest is almost completed. Your object, the goal you selected way back on Level XXX, is within your reach. Do you feel changed? Strengthened? Even transformed?
For any of those who would like a brief moment of celebration, I’ve got tea and crumpets here.
What’s that? Oh right. This is the male heroic quest. Strike the tea and crumpets. Bring on the dancing girls and grog.
Good. Very good.
But before we complete your journey and I do hope it’s been a challenging and satisfying experience, well as you know the journey is not really truly over until it is, well, over, and your object is in hand.
And well, for you ladies, well there is one more thing of which I must notify you, one slight difference with this particular heroic quest. Each heroic quest is different and uniquely yours. But in the case of the lady questors, well we wouldn’t be authentic or honest if we didn’t include the Sexual Assault Variation. Now ladies I know this might not be your idea of what you want your quest to be, but just bear with me now. First there are some of you I can see who like the idea. Well, go right on in then. You will find the Sexual Assault challenge on the other side of Portal 56B. Thank you.
For the rest of you, please bear with me for a moment while I try to explain why we believe at Psych SubAgency 7F, that a Sexual Assault experience is necessary for any lady’s complete Heroic Journey. Though as you know every journey is unique and only you can decide what your objective is and what you wish to achieve. Let’s just take that as writ, shall we? And understand that a woman in a man’s world, which this undoubtedly is, being as it is the Male Heroic Journey Archetype, well she’s going to get hit with some pretty nasty things.
The forces of evil, as it were, hold nothing back, and when things get to a crisis as it were, to the final dramatic moment, the big change, well they are going to pull out all the stops. So if they can’t murder you, and we guarantee that through out these quests, you will not be murdered, well a full sexual assault is their best option.
Okay. I can hear you getting a little worried. Let me remind you we are not taking away your weapons. You’ll have all the tools you have managed to bring with you to this point of the journey. Yesiree. It’s just another challenge really. But the problem is, well as a Quest Provider, we can’t really make a similar sort of challenge for the male version, you see.
Well, thank you for that suggestion. Um. I don’t know why we didn’t think of that before. Too many men on the board perhaps, hee hee. That is something we will discuss that at the next Meeting. A thousand thank yous.
But in the meantime, for those of you who wish to take on the Sexual Assault category B challenge, please follow Sylvia there. Those of you who wish to skip it, based on a) this is your journey and you decide what happens and b) the men don’t suffer it why should you or c) just too fucking scared to deal with it, that’s just fine. It’s your journey and your objective. It’s all good.
——-
Whew, I’m glad we got through that one. You all okay? I have good news, we are done! Yay! Congratulate yourselves ladies. You have made it through your own personal Quest.
But before you go to your lockers, please ladies, i must insist you use the decontamination showers to your left. Please use them as the blood and guts do have a tendency to get everywhere.
The attendants will come through with clean towels. Please do avail yourselves of these and proceed to your lockers, where you will find your object, or goal or grail along with your clothes and personal items. For those of you who were seeking something of a non material nature, there will be an engraved plaque.
Whew! Seems like a long time, huh? Yeah I know. Hard to believe it’s only been seven hours. Well, all, thank you so much. It’s been a fantastic journey for all of us. For each of you of course as you have conquered all your challenges, really tested yourselves and come out on top. And for us too, for everyone at PsychEventsSecton B, who’ve watched and cheered you on, suffered through your defeats and cheered your victories. It’s been great. And we couldn’t have done it without you.
The part that worked for me here was when they were directed to shower off the blood and guts at the end. It didn't tell me what just happened, but I was invited to imagine. I didn't get that sense, or at least not as strongly, in the other sections. Perhaps even a revised head count at some point?